home.

my dear, dear reader. for what may be a final time, hello. i hope my writing tonight finds you well and happy, wherever and whoever you may be. we are now into the first few days of june and i have been home for almost three weeks. i will be perfectly honest and say that i have been intentionally avoiding my blog these past few weeks for reasons i can't even begin to describe. part of me came home, and instantly went back to the same mindset i was in before i left. i don't know if its good or bad, but i do know that when i adapted that quickly the part of me that was so happy to be back also just left belgium out of the picture. half of my head tells me belgium never happened. i was never an exchange student, i was not gone for nine months, and it was all surely just a dream. I have the same friends, i work the same boring job, i eat the same dinner, i drive the same car, i pet the same dogs, and i wear the same clothes. nothing has changed, and i must have been dreaming. maybe its like i went on a week-long vacation? i find myself answering questions about this almost imaginary place i apparently went to and knowing all the answers. i can tell you exactly what i did, who i was with, how i got there, you name it. but i just dont BELIEVE that i did it. i probably sound crazy, i know that. i hope you're starting to see why i haven't written since i got home.

nothing has changed, except for everything. nothing has changed, except for me. the other part of me sees everything in a different light. i struggled quite a bit speaking english the first couple weeks, and i still find myself saying "een beetje" (a little) and "ik weet het niet" (i dont know) in dutch instead of english. i see myself picking out shirts in my closet i thought i would never wear again in my life. and i hear myself saying a bit wiser, possibly more mature things. i got a desk in my bedroom to make it seem more like my belgian rooms. i eat fruit and granola in the mornings because that's what i did there. hell, i even bought myself a NEW BICYCLE so i could have one like i did over there. trust me, there's still a part of me that remembers..and will always remember.

iv'e been fairly busy in the time i've been home. i had about a week to get rid of the jet lag and figure everything out back here again before i started my summer job. (and for the record, i had a great flight home with nobody on my left and the isle on my right..then customs in chicago was a breeze!) so yes. i'm a cashier at the pool and i've worked almost every day for the past two weeks. i enjoy it, so i don't mind working all the time. besides that, its really boring so we just talk, eat, and read a lot of the time. i have spent quite a bit of time with my friends since i've been back too. maybe not as much as i'd like but as long as we can laugh at the same jokes from last year then it's perfect.

you know. i can't seem to think of a way to end this, because somehow we both know that it will never end. "jamie goes to belgium" started as an attempt to remember the important things, a time-filler to stay away from facebook, and a way to show my family and friends what i was doing. i never thought i could have my entire journey written down for the world to see! i suppose, as with most things in life. with my blog, with my journey to belgium, and even with fishing...

you just have to be brave enough to attempt some things, take some risks, and you never know what you may find :)

wishing you happy exploring, good eating, and a fabulous day! and of course, THANK YOU FOR READING! sincerely, Jamie M. South Dakota-Belgium August 2010-May 2011 :)

272!

dear world, today was my last day in belgium. my feelings are impossible to describe, surprisingly sadder than expected but at the same time looking forward to being home again and seeing everybody, but overall its sort of a feeling of...nothing. just..blah. i've had the experience of a life time, and have journaled almost every day of it. for that, i am forever grateful, and i will never ever forget my time here. the people i've met, the places i've been, the things i've seen, everything has made my experience unique and wonderful. teary eyed jamie is not a common sight, but we all knew it would happen eventually. its not even that sad, actually. its just weird! saying goodbye to everything and everybody. my life will never be the same, and so really, i'm happy. i am content. im proud of myself, i've done my best almost all of the time and i really have grown as a person. its something nobody will ever be able to understand, and nobody will ever be able to take away from me. to all good things there is an end, my friends. its not even something ending that really matters, its what i'm going to make of it and how i will use it for the rest of my life. its sort of like love, its never over! (or so they say in "the notebook"...ya know, the movie.) haha! so today. today, today, today. this morning i woke up like any other day, got ready, and went downstairs to eat some BREAD and have some coffee! after that, my host mom was so kind to help me totally finish packing, stuffing cookies and clothing in every last corner of my suitcases! after tons and tons of double checking and rearranging tonight, i think my suitcases are set to go. well actually, right when i thought everything was ready...i received an AMAZING present from my class! i had a few people over after school to say bye for one last time, it was sad and nice and just..good. my class gave me like a 5 pound box of chocolate bars, it was sooooo awesome and beautiful because they all signed their names on a chocolate bar and on the box :) it was also funny, because i made cupcakes in ice cream cones and when i went to serve them BAM! half of them fell on the ground. oh well. live and learn. hopefully i don't spill anything tomorrow? such as items falling out of my suitcase because its so stuffed!!! but yes. it was nice to say goodbye, although saying goodbye is never nice. does that make sense? so i had my share of teared eyes with the girls from the class and there it was. who knows when i will see them again, hopefully i can comeback on a trip here someday or maybe i'll even see some of them in the US someday! sometimes its a smaller world than we think. for the rest of today, it was sort of relaxing. actually, not really. i tried to go to the post office with my host mom to send a 10 kilo box, but it was like 200 grams over and so she had to go back home and get tape and then re-seal the box after i took things out of it..boooo! tonight we had spaghetti. my host mom asked me what i wanted to eat for the last time here and for some reason i chose spaghetti. comfort food or something? after dinner manuella came over because shes spending the night to get up with us at 5am and drive to the airport with my families! i love my families here, and i love everyone that i've met here actually! where does the time go. i really have no idea how its even over, i mean i know i'm going home a little early but still..thats 9 months of my life that went by in a snap. for all i know, i could be dreaming. maybe we're all just dreaming anyways. but to end this all, i have a quote, of course. quotes never do enough justice, but sometimes it can sum up how you feel a little bit. so here ya go! “If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story.” -Orson Welles. im so thankful and blessed to have had this opportunity. my exchange year was the best the decision and best experience of my life. belgium, you will always be in my heart!!!!!!!!!!!! thank you for the great year, EVERYONE! <3 hugs and hugs and hugs from jamie the girl who loved to blog in belgium. ps: here's my speech video! and i'll write something when i'm safe and sound back home.

271!

hello world!! well, another day in belgium is at its end, and here i am blogging again for one of the last times...very odd. so, today. a day of packing packing and...more attempts at packing. i feel really lazy saying this but i had pajama pants on the entire day :p haha lazy sunday i suppose. but seriously, i dont know what i would do without my host mom. she's helped me so much with packing! everything is folded perfectly in the suitcases but i still have too much, UGH! so i have a 20ish pound box i'm going to mail tomorrow and hopefully the rest goes well in two 50 pound suitcases, a carry on mini suitcase, and my backpack. we shall see. definitely curious how that will all work out! actually how everything will work out. its all just weird!!! and tiring. maybe thats why i was so lazy today. just sort of sick of thinking about leaving, sick of thinking about packing, and yadayadayada, ya know? here's sort of how i felt today.

beautiful eh? but other than packing, there were also a few other things that i did today. such as...ATE MY LAST BELGIAN FRIES! and drank my last belgian cherry beer! if thats not sort of depressing i dont know what is!

yum yum yummmm, fresh fries in my belly. gotta love that eh!? guess we'll have to buy a fryer at home and make some fries ourselves then too. can't say i didnt learn much in belgium ;) soooo after dinner tonight it was again sort of weird, because i said "goodbye" to my host brother and sister...because they went back to university for the week, and i wont see them next weekend like normal because, well, i'm leaving on tuesday! i can write that a thousand times and i still won't realize that i'm really leaving. is that a normal feeling? i don't feel like its over. i don't feel like it ever started, actually. maybe when i'm home it will feel like i never even left, who knows. it feels like a year of dreaming...a world i created in my head or something. a good world, mind you! but yeah, enough attempting to describe how i feel because its probably impossible to say. also, to whoever asked about my speech...i'll upload it to youtube and put it on here tomorrow night, so you have something exciting/entertaining to watch for the last time, i suppose. but no worries, i havent forgotten about it! well, bed time now..i probably shouldn't start getting on american time just yet! still another lovely day in belgium to come. beauty sleep is much needed. goodnight, and as always thanks for reading!

270!

hello world! happy saturday! woah, already saturday..and what a great saturday it was! i definitely enjoyed myself today. i think everyone i was with enjoyed themselves as well. so, as you can see if you read what time i'm writing this...its late. i'll get to why that is later. must talk about the day in order eh! so this morning i woke up not too late then had some breakfast and started BAKING! my host mom made chocolate mousse, then helped me make tiramisu, then i made little strawberry cheesecake things too. note to self: generic cream cheese, not philidelphia brand, is really salty in belgium. sometimes generic is not a good idea! ah! oh well. it was not so bad. i found it pretty tasty actually! here's me putting the finishing touches on my little strawberry cheesecakes tonight..

anyways, it was a nice morning of baking. i love baking, even if i'm not the best at it, it will always be a hobby that i enjoy. sooo after that i got ready for the afternoon/night! couldnt put on nice clothes before i started baking of course..that doesnt make sense, haha. so i brushed the flour off me, took a shower, and threw on a dress and the off we went! tonight was really great. i went with both of my host families and my almost-3rd-family (because im leaving early..) and first we went BOWLING!!! it was awesome, i love bowling..but i think between the two games, my highest score was 77 and the total high score between ALL OF US was only 117. hahaha pretty much professionals, i know. so here we are! a great picture of myself and the kindest Belgians i've ever met!

doesn't it look fun? is it not weird to think that no more than 9 months ago these people were total strangers to me?! i feel like anything but a stranger now. they were my families, they will always sort of be my families, and they will always be my friends. not only was bowling really fun, but then we went to eat CHINESE! i seriously love belgian chinese food. i know that doesnt make sense, but i mean it! in turnhout there's a nice chinese place my first family took me to for my birthday, and theres also the one we went to tonight in oud-turnhout thats also really good. its not like eating noodles from a box from kings wok in brookings or like eating an eggroll from hyvee. its like a cast-iron skillet of food they bring you almost like fajitas at a mexican restaurant. hard to describe, but oh so tasty! the weird part is that my first night in belgium my family went to eat chinese at this place, and here i am..almost the last day, and we're back eating chinese. its all coming full circle i guess! the first time i was completely tired, not hungry, understanding nothing about dutch. and now here i was, excited to eat chinese with some tasty wine, casually speaking dutch with everyone and almost done with my adventure. so here we are...

afterwards we came 'home' to have to dessert of course! little did i know i would be receiving beautiful jewelry, a photo book, apron, scarf, and other awesome things like a LUNCH BOX (i finally have my own! that makes me feel like a true belgian) from the families...i dont deserve presents for leaving..especially a little bit early, ah...seriously the nicest people in the world..heck, i dont even deserve chinese for leaving. and bowling! wow. it was great. sooo just for giggles and gratefulness, here are my awesome (but not quite complete) families one, two, and almost three :)

definition of a great day! might even be my favorite day of all...hmm. well thanks for reading! hope your day was splendid as well!

268&269!

hello! ahh, stupid stupid blog! couldn't write anything about yesterday because the blogging website was down, how sad is that!? my last few days of writing and all the sudden BAM...i try to log on as usual and start writing and it pops up and says sorry temporary problems so yeah, i couldn't say anything. but i'll sum up what i did yesterday now then. lets see, yesterday..my last thursday in belgium. i...slept in, like a ton. till sometime after 11, haha! then i made myself some chicken noodle soup (that i still had from boxes my mom sent me) for lunch and then went the whole afternoon to school. i did of course basically nothing in school but i'm really getting into my new book that im reading..water for elephants, actually its a movie thats out not but i refuse to see the movie before im finished with the book :) its always risky to do it the other way around. other than that, i don't think there was much exciting yesterday that i can remember. i took a picture of my school yesterday, because that was actually my last time at school...weird...so here it is, folks. the front of my belgian school.

het heilig graf...the holy grave. hahah yes that is THE NAME of the school. i'd say its properly named. i have lots of good, bad, weird, interesting, and funny memories from that place. as with everything, i shall try to take the best from it and remember the good things. the glass is half empty, or half full. i'm leaving belgium, and going back to america. or, i'm going back to america, and leaving belgium. its not the going home part or the being here part that really matters, in fact it doesnt matter where i might go for the rest of my life. its all what i make of what i've experienced. take the positive, appreciate the adventure, and don't forget the good memories :) gee i sure know how to RAMBLE! who did i inherit that from? or is that just a special jamie trait because i dont really know anyone in my family who rambles/writes garbage like i can. buuuut yes. that was yesterday. now on to, TODAY! happy friday the 13th, weird. i'm going to blame the fact that its friday the 13th on the blog not working yesterday. but today! friday! last friday here. ah that is SO CRAZY to say. its already the weekend. and the days keep going faster. this morning my host mom helped me close my belgian bank account. i have some euro's left and i'm not sure what the smartest way would be to change them back into dollars..because i've pretty much decided shopping is just a bad idea. nonetheless, i did end up buying a new scarf and dress today. not important :p haha they cant just give me CASH back and expect me not to spend it. oh well! so then i went to dutch class for the last time. it was an interesting last time. we all had to grab a newspaper and read an article and say what it was about. i picked an article about how the belgian youth thinks the sexual consent age is too high, haha that makes for an awkward class. oh well. the teacher liked how i provoked discussion though i think. our class never talks. they also never do their homework. that makes for a frustrated teacher, haha. so that is done forever then! i've learned a lot in dutch class, i really have. i'm thankful i did it. afterwards, i went with manuella to find a nice place to eat my last "smoske" here. its like the belgian version of a sub sandwich, only way better and on a baguette with tons of veggies and things. here's how cute we are!

and here's the cute place we went. like a circus looking thing! a fun house, haha. it stayed sunny most of the time as we sat outside even with some clouds in the air...

and last but not least, the sandwich. I WILL SURELY MISS THIS.

so that was nice. then we shopped a little bit, because thats what girls do. and eventually i came home and didnt do much. i went to the grocery store with my host mom and sister to get things to make dessert for tomorrow! i'm going to experiment making "dessert cups" so like mini versions of big things like tiramisu and strawberry cheesecake. and my host moms making chocolate mousse too...hip hip hooray for food! oh speaking of food (really thats all i ever talk about now isnt it...) tonight for dinner it was..SUSHI! ah! i have always and will always have an extremely weak stomach when it comes to looking at things like...raw fish. even if a steak is too red in the middle it freaks me out. even knowing that there are raw eggs in something like chocolate mousse (no matter how good it tastes) still freaks me out. why am i such a baby! so anyways, it was a pretty platter...

but i ate a waffle and a banana instead, tehehe. good thing i didnt go to japan otherwise i'd be soooo skinny by now! or i'd finally get used to eating weird raw things. one or the other. after that we went to a concert tonight! a flemish singer lady named Eva DE Roovere. it was good but sort of short!

it was nice to do something and see some music, and the drummer with his hippy hair wasnt bad looking either. nice of my family to take me!! on the way back i was walking with my host mom as she was biking then i felt bad that she had to go slow so i just ran the whole way home. it was funny. just running down the belgian streets in a dress and sandals. reminds me of the time i ran in brussels with a beer in my hand to catch the train. hahaha oh belgium, thank you for the memories. so thats all for tonight! three or maybe four more blog posts...which im sure will become more because i'll have afterthoughts i will like to jot down. so thanks for reading! have a nice rest of your day :)